


Forgiveness

by homoeroticmisogyny



Series: press f to pay respects [2]
Category: Homoerotic Misogyny (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/F, Multi, Murder, Revenge, also elena is a vague ghostly figure, audrey resents issa because that's a fun dynamic thats not explored enough, issax (implied), lucy dies... oops, slutrio, theorlando (implied), this is a sequel but it can be read as standalone, thought forever could use a sequel and i like evil women!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 09:42:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29997471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homoeroticmisogyny/pseuds/homoeroticmisogyny
Summary: “It was an accident,” Lucy says again, and Audrey’s lost count of how many times she’s said it. Audrey’s hands are cold.-Elena Kuragina dies on prom night. Audrey and Issa cope.Blood for blood for blood.
Relationships: Audrey Riverdale-Kuragin/Elena Kuragina (Homoerotic Misogyny), Audrey Riverdale-Kuragin/Elena Kuragina (Homoerotic Misogyny)/Isabel "Issa" Banquo, Audrey Riverdale-Kuragin/Isabel "Issa" Banquo, Isabel "Issa" Banquo/Elena Kuragina (Homoerotic Misogyny), Lucy Ishmael Ganymede/Dieke Helena Pelides (implied)
Series: press f to pay respects [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2206863
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Forgiveness

“We’ll figure it out,” Dieke says, and it’s 12am on prom night, and it’s 3pm on Monday, and it’s 10 weeks ago on a Sunday afternoon, it’s every day at every time and it’s numb, Audrey’s thoughts are white noise, her hands are cold, her corset is itching, her mouth is dry. It’s Wednesday after classes and Audrey is in the clubroom, it’s Saturday at 7am when Elena is sleeping over, it’s 12am on prom night, and somewhere outside of her body, she almost feels Issa tug at the sleeve of her blazer and try to hold her hand. Audrey can’t move her hand to reciprocate. Audrey can’t move.

“It was an accident,” Lucy says again, and Audrey’s lost count of how many times she’s said it. Audrey’s hands are cold. 

Max looks around, gives a half-hearted chuckle. “Okay Lucy, that’s enough. We can- we’re done with the joke, right?” His fingers are scratching at his palm. Audrey’s hands are cold. “I don’t… it’s a weird prank to play on- on prom night.”

Lucy shakes her head. “Bathroom,” she says, and the tears that are slipping down her chin are betraying her level voice. “You can- you shouldn’t. But… you could. You could-”

Nobody moves. She feels Issa’s other hand come up to grip her upper arm. The fabric on her blazer shifts, pulling up from her hands, and Issa presses her body closer. Her chest is heaving underneath her dress. Audrey feels it on the back of her arm. When Issa presses her head to Audrey’s shoulder, Audrey can feel her tears seep through the fabric. 

“Elena…” Issa says, and nobody notices. Audrey suspects that nobody can hear.

“We have-” Dieke pauses at Lucy grabbing her hand, and there’s blood that smears onto the cuff of her sleeve. She swallows. “We have a plan, but we have to work together. Lucy can’t… she can’t take the fall for this.”

Theo and Orlando are already at Lucy’s side, asking for the weapon so they can help her discard it. Zoe offers to clean the blood off her hoodie. Emma offers to clean it off her dress. The club splinters, one by one, off to their duties in helping Lucy bury her sin.

Audrey hasn’t moved. She doesn’t know if she’s breathed. Issa is still there, next to her, holding her hand, but has fallen to the floor, drowning in the fabric of her dress. Audrey can’t remember what color it is.

“Elena, Elena…” Issa says, a broken record, and Audrey’s hands are cold.

-

Emma is still with the rest of the club, presumably working at the bloodstains on the gown or helping to cover up the tracks to the bathroom, when Audrey hears a knock on her door- she doesn’t know what time it is. She hasn’t checked. She doesn’t know if it matters anymore. It could be 3am, it could be 7am, it could be 10pm, it would all be the same. She doesn’t know how long she’s been sitting on her bed, still in her blazer and skirt and heels, still staring numbly at the floor. She can’t force the tears to come to her eyes. She doesn’t know if she wants them to.

Whoever it is knocks again, and the knocking is getting more frantic, so, irked, Audrey stands and moves over to get the door.

It’s Issa, of course, trembling to the bone and gripping at her arms like a lifeline, makeup smeared and trailing down the sides of her face. She’s changed into her pajamas, at least. She’s doing better than Audrey is. 

“It’s- It’s dark,” Issa says, and Audrey stands at the doorway without the nonchalance that both of them are used to. “It’s dark in- in my r- in my room.”

There’s a space in between them, a silence that would have been filled by Elena from the back, Elena from the spot they’d claimed as their own, Elena reading, or writing, or drawing on the back of her notebook, Elena teasing, hands behind her head, blazer half-off, shirt unbuttoned. Audrey feels one of her hands clench and then unclench, and Issa stands there, still waiting.

“And?”

Issa flinches. “Can- can I- can I stay- stay…” She grits her teeth, shakes her head. “Can I stay- stay here. Here, to- to… with you… It’s dark- it’s… dark.”

Audrey steps aside and Issa walks in, still gripping at her arms and walking- toddling, really- like she’s been put in a straitjacket. Audrey closes the door.

Issa climbs onto the bed then rolls over to face the wall, unmoving- if she’s breathing, Audrey can’t tell. Audrey can’t force herself to care. Time passes like a thick paste.

“Say something,” Issa says when Audrey sits on the bed next to her, and Audrey grips the edge of the mattress.

“Demanding.”

“It’s dark. I’m- I’m cold.”

“Get the blanket.”

“I don’t want it.”

“You’re too picky.”

The silence falls again, heavy and suffocating, where Elena would chime in. They wait. She isn’t there.

“I’m cold,” Issa says again, and Audrey is at least receptive enough to take the hint, kicking off her heels and lying down next to her. She makes to put an arm around Issa and hesitates when Issa begins to shift, rolls over to face Audrey, and, from this close, Audrey can see how bloodshot her eyes are. She hasn’t stopped crying. Audrey puts an arm around her.

“It wasn’t an accident,” Issa says, burying her face into the crook of Audrey’s neck, and Audrey feels her own arm tighten around Issa’s waist without thinking.

“It wasn’t?”

“It can’t have- it couldn’t have been… You saw- they were… they were… they were fighting, they were…”

“I know.”

“She meant it,” Issa says, and her words, her _breath_ on Audrey’s neck goes straight to her head, goes straight to her eyes, and the back of her nose burns. Everything in the room stops moving, and for a moment it’s just the two of them in the blanketing quiet, breathing, alive, and waiting for someone who isn’t to chime in, to do the impossible, to come back. Audrey can feel her heartbeat echoed in Issa’s wrists. She meant it.

Is this selfish?

Is this, this moment, holding onto someone she doesn’t know if she cares about, having lost Elena, being mad at Lucy- being _mad_ at Lucy. Can she allow herself this?

She allows herself everything. Why would she draw the line here?

If Lucy can be selfish- if Lucy can take a life, if Lucy can kill and come back to the club, expect support, beg it off of them, assign roles, take charge like she always does, always has, like Elena couldn’t, like Elena _couldn’t_.

Audrey can have this. 

When had she started to cry? Issa, in her arms, shudders when a hot tear hits the nape of her neck, and then, as if realizing something, starts to claw at Audrey’s sides, trying in every way to bring her closer, to close the gap that Elena left, the gaping hole in between them. Audrey lets her.

“She meant it,” Issa says again, her chin digging into Audrey’s shoulder. “She had to have meant it. She- Lucy lied to us.”

“Lucy lied to us,” Audrey repeats. Her hands are cold.

-

“Tragedy has befallen Atrox Academy,” their principal starts the next morning, and Audrey scratches absentmindedly at the side of her neck. “This morning, the volunteer clean-up crew found the body of one of our students, Elena Kuragina, in the bathroom by the great hall.”

She can see Lucy’s shoulders start to shake from in front of her, she can see Dieke reach around, an arm around her shoulders to comfort her. She sees Theo and Orlando hold hands, and Emma puts a hand over their mouth. Wren, Ava, Tal, they hadn’t even shown up for assembly. Audrey doesn’t know if there’s still evidence that needs covering up, she doesn’t know if they’re working on it. Zoe lets out a sob.

From the corner of her eye, Audrey notices Issa, disheveled, push past the other students and leave.

Max seems to start to follow, furrowed brow and outstretched hand, but Audrey’s body moves before her mind can catch up, puts a firm hand around Max’s wrist and looks down at his face with a frown- I’ll do it. I’ll follow. This is my burden. _She_ is my burden.

Audrey is shoving past other students now, students that she recognizes- there’s the boy who she kissed under the stairwell, that’s her classmate in English who borrowed her notes, there and there and there are faces that Audrey knows, that Audrey can point out in a crowd. Maybe she had cared about them once, maybe they meant something to her when she still had things to care about, but the white noise behind her eyes, the static, fills her head until the only thing she knows she can do is follow. There must be something she can follow. She doesn’t even remember their names.

She trails Issa through the hallways, barely thinking, not calling out, watches from a distance as she walks into the courtyard. Audrey’s been following at a brisk pace and Issa hasn’t been running, not really. It doesn’t feel like a daring escape. It doesn’t feel real- but then, nothing’s felt real. 

Audrey stands in the hall, Issa’s in the courtyard gripping at her skirt and kicking at the loose rocks, the pebbles, sending them flying. At least she’s moving again. She seems to be clearing a space, and slowly, delicately, kneels down like in prayer.

And then she screams.

She screams like her lungs are being ripped out from her ribcage, like her heart is being torn out through her throat, ragged and rough and short of breath, and digs her fingers into the dirt. She screams and it is agonizing, it is the sound a god makes as he falls from heaven, it is the fury of the storm, it is resonant and painful and raw, and Audrey watches as Issa rips the grass up from its roots, howling and sobbing and-

Issa looks at Audrey with red eyes, with soil splattered across her white shirt, cuffs of her coat green with grass stains, and heaves like it is her first breath, like she is reborn. Audrey feels like she’s been doused in ice water. 

“She meant it, she had to have meant it,” Issa all but wails, and Audrey can see grass being crushed to pulp in between her fingers. “It can’t have been an accident, it had to have been planned, I can’t be wrong, we can’t be wrong-!”

Audrey stands with her hands at her sides, doesn’t move, like Elena might come around the corner and prove Issa right, but Elena doesn’t show. Issa heaves, retches, but nothing comes up.

“Talk to me,” Issa says, and Audrey is moving all of a sudden, feels like she’s floating, feels like she’s somewhere outside of her head when she kneels in front of Issa and takes her hands, crushing the dirt in between them. Issa white-knuckles her, shaking, still shaking, and she hasn’t stopped shaking since last night, she’d trembled in her sleep and kicked and started to cry, and Audrey doesn’t know what to make of it. Doesn’t know what to say.

There’s a part of her that knows beyond all doubt that Lucy was telling the truth. That Lucy, bright-eyed and kind, had stabbed Elena on accident. Audrey doesn’t doubt that Issa knows it too.

But it’s easier to blame.

It’s easier for Audrey, in the moment, to agree, to believe with her chest that Lucy meant it, that the blood on her hands had been brought by intent, by cold-blooded massacre, and so that’s what Audrey would believe- she wouldn’t fault herself for it. Times were hard as is. It’s easier to blame, it’s easier to blame, it’s easier to direct all the anger, all the guilt- she could have stayed sober, she could have gone with Elena, she could have talked to Lucy, she could have- to direct all of her guilt and deflect it onto Lucy, Lucy the murderer, Lucy the vengeful. Audrey thumbs over Issa’s knuckles. Bone under her fingertips, thin skin under the pad of her thumb. She believes it, she believes it. She meant it. 

“Audrey,” Issa says, like the wind is knocked out of her, and Audrey avoids her eyes. “Audrey, _please_.”

It would be so easy to run, but Audrey’s taken the easy way out once already today.

“What now?” she says, and she doesn’t imagine that Issa bristles. Her hands tighten. Audrey can smell grass, dewey and fragrant and it’s hurting her nose.

“It’s windy today, isn’t it?” Issa says, and Audrey shivers.

-

“What if we get caught?” Issa presses Audrey’s hand to her mouth and holds it there, eyes wrenched shut.

Audrey looks out the window of the library.

“We can’t.”

-

There’s a way to get on top of the school through the floor of the third year dorms of the West Hall.

It was banned several years ago, and as far as Audrey can remember, she’s only ever done it once- in her second year, to spend time with a girl she’d liked at the time. They’d snuck out at night, clambered through the window after pushing aside the potted plants in front of it, and sat together on the stone roof to look at the stars. Audrey doesn’t remember liking it very much. 

Things have changed.

Audrey sits on the roof alone, the wind whistling in her ear, and imagines that Elena is there next to her, kicking their feet back and forth and testing fate. It’s a nice place to sit, as nice as any place against school rules, flat enough that she doesn’t lose her footing when she walks, overgrown vines and cigarette butts. It’s a long way down. It’s why, Audrey presumes, students aren’t allowed to gather there. The Elena in her mind’s eye scoffs, calls the rules annoying anyway, checks her nails.

“...No, I just wanted to talk stuff out,” Issa says from somewhere inside, her voice drifting out the open window, and Audrey gets to her feet slowly, deliberately. She’s still thinking, she’s still rational. She tells herself that, and when Lucy steps over the window sill and sees her, Audrey waves. Her chest broils.

“Audrey, you’re here?” Lucy says, wary, and Issa follows shortly. 

“Was just hanging out.”

“You follow me everywhere I go, don’t you?” Issa says, feigning banter. She picks at her nails. Audrey thinks her eyes are watery.

“You can’t get enough of me.”

Lucy frowns. “What did you want to talk about?” She says, and Issa looks up, almost panicked- she’s not built for this, but Audrey isn’t either, so why look to her for help? The word “coward” rises and dies in her throat. “Why on the roof?”

“Why not?” Issa looks out, looks _down_ , and it’s a long way down, it’s a long way down. The pavement could cushion her fall. “It’s, like… It’s empty- it’s usually empty. Figured if we were gonna talk about stuff we might as well do it where people can’t bother us.”

“Audrey’s right there.”

“Audrey’s not a person.”

The silence falls again. Audrey has grown to like it, almost. When it’s quiet it’s like Elena’s there, it’s remembrance, it’s waiting for them to speak. It’s giving them time to quip and joke, even in death.

“Is this about Elena?” Lucy says finally, like she’d read Audrey’s mind, and Issa stiffens. Audrey rubs her palms against her skirt- they’re sweaty. But she’s not nervous. She’s not one to be nervous.

“I don’t…” Issa is a bad liar. Audrey looks at her, frowns. She’s a bad liar, for an actress.

“It was an accident,” Lucy says again, and she’s been repeating it to everyone in the club who’ll listen. How long has it been? 1 week? 2 days? Audrey can’t remember what day it is. Audrey doesn’t know how much time has passed. It all muddles together. “It was an accident- I didn’t mean to, I was just- I was gesturing and, and I got mad and…”

“You got mad?” Audrey hears, and it takes her a moment to realize that it’s her voice that’s speaking. “ _You_ got mad?”

“You killed her,” Issa says, and Lucy is more and more alarmed with every passing second. Issa is standing in front of the window. The only way out is- 

“I didn’t mean to! I didn’t- you have to believe me, you have to believe me when I say it was an accident- I didn’t…” 

“You’re a broken fucking record, you know that?” Issa says, and Audrey was right about her watering eyes because she’s crying again. “You keep saying that, you think- you came out of there and-”

“You’re both pathetic.” Audrey walks towards Lucy, who starts backing away, inching closer to the edge of the roof. There’s something awful burning in the back of Audrey’s mind, there’s something sick in the pit of her chest, at the bottom of her stomach. Something is rotting. “You can’t finish anything you’ve started.”

Lucy grabs Audrey by the arms, and Audrey flings her off. “I know both of you- I know you… You loved her, didn’t you? She told me to run, she told me not to take the fall for it, she wouldn’t want this!”

“What do you know about what Lena would want?” Issa says, standing behind Audrey, just to the side of her. Audrey seethes.

She hasn’t been angry. She hasn’t felt anything, she hasn’t felt anything in days, and it bubbles to the surface like boiling water, it breaks through to her throat, breaks through to her _teeth_ , and she isn’t naturally violent, she isn’t as mean as she says she is, but Audrey wants blood, blood for blood, and in this moment, staring Lucy down, hot rage slipping and clenching at her jaw, nipping at her fingers, this moment, this moment Audrey is burning. Audrey is fire. 

She couldn’t commit. She couldn’t commit, days ago when she sat in the library with Issa and held her until she stopped crying. She couldn’t commit. But now, face to face with a murderer, Audrey can kill.

“You took them from me.”

“From us,” Issa says, and Audrey wants to rip out her tongue.

“You took Elena from me, you were selfish- and I’m always selfish, but I could never take a life. Do you think we wouldn’t see through you? You were so quiet. You didn’t do it, you didn’t do it- you meant it. You _meant_ it, you meant it, and I cannot stand looking at you. I can’t stand looking at you and knowing you’re alive and Elena is rotting somewhere and you haven’t paid for it.”

Lucy sobs.

“Audrey,” she says, frantic, as Audrey grips the collar of her uniform, pushing her to the edge of the roof as she grapples with Audrey’s fists, as she tries to reach out to Issa. “Audrey, Audrey please- Audrey! Audrey it was an accident-!”

“An accident,” Audrey says, and thrusts her fist out so that Lucy’s foot slips. 

“I’ll tell them that too.”

When Lucy falls, slips, tumbles, Audrey turns her back and looks at Issa, her hands still clenched, still gripping the phantom of Lucy’s shirt, and Issa stares through her. 

The imaginary Elena from earlier tumbles off the roof with Lucy, hand-in-hand, and Audrey wonders if this is forgiveness. 

“The plan,” Audrey says, and when Issa shuts her eyes, Audrey doesn’t know if she’s trying to refocus and prepare herself, or if she’s blocking out the image of Lucy on the pavement. Issa leans forward, just a little.

“NO!” She shouts, and even Audrey startles with the primacy of it. Something sparks in the back of her mind: it’s not for Lucy. Issa isn’t crying out for Lucy. “NO! No, no, no, someone help! Someone get help! Please! Please, oh my god, oh my god!!”

-

“It was an accident- we were just talking and she fell, she slipped off the roof, I don’t know, I don’t know, she’s- you have to go down there, Zoe, please, you have to go and check if she’s okay, she has to be okay, she has to be okay!”

Audrey watches Issa cling to Zoe’s shirt.

“She’s gonna be okay,” Zoe says shakily, and Audrey knows she’s lying.

Blood for blood.

-

Later, in the hallway, Issa hugs Audrey like she’s never held anyone before in her life, like she’s drowning and clinging to driftwood, and Audrey’s arms stay limp at her sides. She stares off down the hall, frantic staff and students rushing back and forth just out of view, and Issa’s hand, her long nails scratch at her shoulder. 

“You got mad,” Issa says, and Audrey wants to laugh. She’s so stupid. She’s so childish. “You got mad at her.”

Audrey doesn’t say anything while Issa speaks nonsense into her blouse. 

She had wanted blood. Blood for blood for blood. She wanted revenge, raw and bloody between her teeth, and now the fight leaves her, drains her, and she is being held together in the empty hallway by craft glue and masking tape and Issa’s hands.

“Audrey,” Issa says, and that name could belong to anyone. It could belong to anyone now, she doesn’t know anymore. She can’t remember if it meant anything to her before this. She wants Elena to be there- she wants Elena to say it. She wants Elena to call her horrible again. “Audrey,” Issa says, like her voice could substitute. Audrey puts a hand on her waist and Issa sobs into her shirt.

They stand there, holding each other, and Audrey feels something pang in her- she doesn’t know if it’s guilt. She doesn’t know what guilt feels like. They kill someone and then hold each other. The hand that pushed Lucy off the roof is comforting Issa, and the duality scares her.

“I love you,” Issa says, and Audrey doesn’t think she does, doesn’t think she means it. She’s tired, she’s shaking to the bone, her teeth chatter, and Audrey wants to say it back to her, Audrey wants to, doesn’t want to, doesn’t want to give Issa the satisfaction of it, doesn’t want to lie, doesn’t want to tell the truth. She wants to kiss her, she never wants to see her again. She wants Issa to fall off the roof. She tastes blood, and Issa, knowing Audrey isn’t going to reply, grabs at her shirt harder and cries.

Audrey’s hands are cold.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed it and don't hate me too much :') I really like the slutrio dynamic in every form it takes and I also really like evil women... I couldn't stop thinking about the consequences of killing Elena after finishing Forever so I had to churn this out- please let me know if you like it!


End file.
